


You Clutched My Brain And Eased My Ailing

by eddie_dxaz



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Confessions, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sharing a Bed, Sleeping Together, but not sexually, from call that’s not Aiden, i always write about first kisses DEHHEH, mentions of PTSD flashback, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:07:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23748841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eddie_dxaz/pseuds/eddie_dxaz
Summary: In which Eddie just doesn't want Buck to leave and ends up confessing his feelings
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 345





	You Clutched My Brain And Eased My Ailing

**Author's Note:**

> sorry I didn’t read this over SKKDK so there might be mistakes lowkey and it’s probably not good.
> 
> But enjoy!!!

Eddie sees him everyday yet is still never prepared for it. He's never ready for the short blondish curls, the long limbs, or the piercing blue eyes that he's caught himself getting lost in a million times before. The lingering touches always sends shivers running down his spine despite the fact that he's begged for them not to. Then, there's the laugh. Something that never fails to make him smile, even on his worst days. Sometimes it all becomes too much. 

It fills his lungs until he can't physically breathe and his heart is just begging, pleading for the man to take the leap. To say fuck it all and give in. But the thought of ruining everything that is going good for him... Well, all of the things that can be hard to handle suddenly become a little easier. Not today, though.

Buck holds him tightly in his arms in the comfort of his home, fingers carding through his dark strands of hair and whispers pressed against his forehead. Their legs were entangled, resting on the coffee table. Eddie isn't stupid. He knows that they're crossing a line but he can't bring himself to care. Does that make him a terrible human being? Who knows? 

It all happened in the blink of the eye. One minute they were on a call, the next he was back there with flames threatening to burn his skin and the screams piercing his ear drums, a sound that will torture him later on in the middle of the night. Something had exploded, they'd later find out. That's what sent him back. 

Buck had found his best friend scratching frantically at his hands to remove all of the blood, sand, and God knows what else. Only to the taller man there was none of that. So now here they were, literally wrapped up in each other after an especially grueling shift. Was it so bad to want this all of the time?

"Eddie," Buck mumbles, "It's getting late. I should probably start heading home."

His chest vibrates underneath of his fingertips as he speaks. It can't be over yet. It just can't. His friend breathes in deeply when there's no response, squeezing the other man just a little bit tighter as he does so.

What option do they have? Neither wanted to let go but the night was starting to draw more towards the morning more than anything. Yet everything has slowed as the tranquility laid shamelessly upon them, quieting the busy streets of Los Angeles but more importantly Eddie's mind. They weren't quite ready to let that go. 

It was his fault they ended up like this. After Christopher was tucked into bed, he walked right out and sat on the couch before slowly curling up into Buck's space. Whatever the man was saying before that had immediately halted. He carefully maneuvered his arms so they'd wrap around him. It was hesitant at first. But then once the blond had relaxed into the embrace, they ended up in this position. 

"Edd-"

"Evan, you can leave any time you want," he cuts him off, attempting to remove the hold around the other’s waist.

Buck stops him. The slight shift is the only reason why Eddie knows that the man has moved his cheek from its position of resting against his partner’s forehead to glance down at him. Looking up would be so easy. Meeting those blue eyes, seeing every little detail within them. It was too dangerous. Even though the two are touching head to toe, being this close and maintaining eye contact could lead to giving in to temptation. Temptation that could ruin everything, shaking their foundation to its very core. 

“No. I can’t,” He responds in the most softest voice Eddie swears he’s ever heard come out of the usual loud, slightly chaotic character. 

“Why not?”

“Never once in our almost two years of friendship have you ever called me Evan. That might not seem to be a big deal but...I just want you to know it’s okay to not be okay, Eds. One thing that our friend group, especially you, has taught me is that asking for help is always better than burying it away.” 

Eddie does glance up then, searching his best friends eyes. For what? He wasn’t quite sure until he saw it. The absolute awe, adoration, and peace reflected right back at him. Something about this moment held all those things tightly within it’s grasp. It was so good, so meaningful. The outside world didn’t deserve to gain control or even touch these few hours. Not after it’s tried so hard to chase all of the tragedies, all of the pain, away to give them some sort of security. 

But, it doesn’t mean he can’t say-

“Stay.” 

The word was out of Eddie’s mouth before it could be stopped. Buck seemed taken aback for a second, probably not used to the raw emotions coming from the older man. If he was honest, he’d say it surprised him too. Especially after swallowing before continuing with, “Please. Stay with me for tonight.”

They hold their gaze before the blond snaps out of it, readjusting them so Eddie was impossibly closer as he rubbed his hand comfortingly up and down his bicep. Buck nods, “I will.” 

They relax back into each other. Only for a little before one of their phones light up across the room as a notification pops up. It was midnight. He knows they should sleep, but letting go of both someone he loved and this time seemed like a literal nightmare on Earth. His eyes felt heavy, though. It was officially meant to come to an end.

Eddie sighed, standing up. This earned him a confused expression until he stuck out his hand, prompting Buck to take it. The fellow fighter stared, eyes flicking between his friend and the invite. As they meet at the outstretched limb, a smile forms on both of their faces. 

One stands, the other leads them towards the bedroom. Usually, he knows Buck would question the hell out of this and possibly ruin any sprout of confidence the man had but luckily, he reads the room. Eddie hands his friend a pair of more comfortable clothes to change into before turning away. Or at least he tried to. 

A hand caught his wrist and he focused his attention on the taller man. Buck wets his lips before saying, “Are you okay?”

Eddie totally didn’t track that movement with his eyes. Nope. That wasn’t a thing that happened.

“Why?”

“I know today... Wasn’t easy but you’re not acting like you and I want- no need to make sure you’re going to be okay.”

Eddie sighs. It was true. He was one hundred percent acting so out of character but all he wanted was to feel something other than guilt or fear. Buck just happened to provide that. Maybe he had taken too much, though. The man steps towards his friend, “If I’m making you uncomfortable at all, Bu-“

“No!” The blond cuts him off, blue eyes increased in size, “Not at all! Trust me you don’t have to worry about that I’m very fine with all of this going on. You know, me and you- That came off wrong-“

“Buck.”

“Yeah?” 

“Shut up and get changed before you give me a headache on top of it.”

No other words were exchanged as they both got ready for bed. It was so not what best friends do. Not in the way that they moved so casually around each other at least, reaching around one another for the toothpaste in the bathroom or to put a watch on the desk. What really tested the limits however was when Buck finally laid in the middle of bed, lying flat and opening his arms. 

Eddie huffed out a breath of amusement through his nose. A large grin had involuntarily placed itself upon his features as he crawled over and plopped himself down on top of him. His best friend groaned. A satisfied smirk replaced the smile at that. 

“Jesus, Eds. I was being all nice and you just had to go and throw your full weight on top of me,” Buck chuckles, “I’m going home just for that. You don’t deserve my affection.”

“Are you calling me fat?” 

“Are you really asking me that?”

“Are you really going home?”

“No.”

“There’s your answer.”

They repositioned slightly so they were more comfortable and Eddie buried his face into the crook of his friend’s neck, causing the man underneath of him to shiver slightly. Then, Buck’s fingers were back in his hair. The atmosphere shifted again. The overall joy of being in the presence of a loved one vibrating rapidly in the air now went down into a calm buzz. It was like the couch. 

Lights bled through the blinds, casting a pretty yellowish-bluish gleam to fall over the figures on the bed stuck together like puzzle pieces. All of the stresses from the day slowly faded. In its place was a strangling warmth flowing from two beating hearts in the night time. Eddie couldn’t remember the last time he felt this right in the company of someone else. Perhaps he never had. 

It started to ache. Slowly but surely it was threatening to swallow the moment whole which was the exact opposite of what he needed. He had to prevent it. He would do anything to not let it take over. Anything. 

So, Eddie Diaz hoped. He breathed in sharply, frowning as he said, “I’m in love you.”

Buck’s fingers came to an abrupt stop, body tensing. It was quiet between them for a couple of seconds before the younger man’s brain seemed to kicked back on, “Yeah?”

He physically felt himself breathe out in relief as his friend continued the action from before. The feeling began to draw back. Eddie swallowed, “Yeah.”

“Why?”

That was not at all what he expected. Not even close. It wasn’t anything that, in all of his daydreams, he could have every predicted. Of course, that would be his response to Eddie putting his heart out there. Still, an opportunity arose at that. 

“I actually have no idea,” He teases while lifting himself up slightly, “I mean, it shocked me too.”

Buck threw his head back, laughing. There it was. The thing that doomed the brunet’s heart and soul. Eddie beams. So much so that when their eyes met again, the person underneath of him looked slightly startled before grinning back. 

“No,” The blond speaks, gently, “But really. It not that I don’t believe you or am a narcissist that wants to know for personal gain. I just can’t believe someone like you could fall for someone like me.”

Eddie makes an amused sound, “I thought you just said its not like you didn’t believe me.”

They stare at each other for a moment. Buck hadn’t pulled away and he actually complimented him. Now, there was a pair of hands on his waist. It wasn’t a confirmation of anything, sure, but the fact that he hadn’t been flung off had to be something right?

“I’m in love with you for so many reasons, Buck,” Eddie breathes while reaching out place a palm on his cheek, “You’re strong, you’re brave, hell braver than me sometimes. You wear your heart on your sleeve and would do anything for the people you care about. Not to mention that you’re amazing with Christopher.”

Buck’s eyelashes flutter slightly as the smile returns. The older man continues, “I love you because of your smile and the way a room lights up when you walk in. Your laugh could probably send me into cardiac arrest if I let it, honestly. I love you for your good days and your bad ones. Time with you, whether it be on the couch at home playing games with Chris or time alone drinking a beer at the loft, gets me through the week. You came into our lives without warning and improved it just by being there.”

The blond grips at Eddie’s wrist, “That in love with me, huh?” 

“I’ve got it bad.”

“That’s okay because so do I. When you first came into my life, I never imagined feeling this way about you. By the time I had even noticed, it was too late. You saved me in so many ways and I want to be there for you. Through every bump in the road, every rock and a hard place, I want to be by your side in any way possible. You make me better. Your teasing, your jokes, everything about you... I love it because I’m in love with you too. Possibly in a way I’ve never felt before but it’s okay that it’s new because it’s with you. I don’t think I could ever feel this way about anyone else. Eddie, I love you.”

Eddie could feel the tears building up in his eyes. If someone had asked, he couldn’t give them an exact reason why. The blue orbs flicked to his lips before meeting his brown ones and that ache from earlier was since long forgotten about.

“But tonight is about making sure you’re okay. I don’t want to like- Do anything you’re not 100% on doing right now- I don’t mean that in a sex way either-“

“Buck.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m okay.”

“I’m still not kissing you tonight. If that’s something you want to do, that is.”

He felt himself frown at that. They just admitted their love for each other and now he’s being told that he’s not allowed to kiss him? What kind of bullshit- Unacceptable. “Yes, Evan that’s like obviously something I want to do. Right now, actually but you’re not going to let me apparently?”

“Nope. Not until morning.”

“Why?”

“You’ve had a bad day and if I were to kiss you, I’d want you to be in a good headspace when I do it. Don’t you dare argue with me either, Edmundo Diaz. I will not hesitate to sleep on the couch.”

Eddie raises eyebrows at the use of his full name. Okay, a totally understandable point. Still, he huffs out in mock frustration. He can’t deny that it sort of made his heart soar that this man wanted to do this right. So with a little bit of Spanish grumbling about how Buck’s too caring and repositioning into a comfortable position, they fell asleep. 

-•-•-•-

Eddie woke up first the next morning. They were a mess of tangled limbs and blanket from moving around throughout the night but that was fine. He stared at Buck’s sleeping form. The sunlight made the slightly unruly blond curls glisten. That, along with the peaceful look on the man’s face made him question how he could of almost never let himself have this in the first place. Reluctantly, he withdrew himself to brush his teeth and get in a quick shower.

The conversation from last night replayed over and over in his head, making him smirk to himself like a teenager who just got asked to prom. Chris was still asleep by the time left the bathroom with damp hair and sweatpants hanging at his waist. However, Buck wasn’t. 

When Eddie entered the room again, the man was scrolling lazily on his phone before he turned to greet the brunet’s entrance with a grin. Excitement bubbled up in his chest. It was morning. “Guess what?” He asked, going to stand above Buck. 

“What?” He answered innocently. 

He grabbed the t-shirt that his friend was wearing, a teasing grin playing at his features, “It’s morning.”

“So it i-“

Buck let out a surprised yelp as Eddie yanked him up by the grip he had on the collar of the shirt. Their faces were inches apart now. The other man stared at him in shock for a beat before realization flooded his face. He smiled, nodding once. Their lips meet. 

His heart stops it’s pleading, now beating quickly at what was happening. Never again will he feel that constricting tightness in his chest that wanted something he could never have. 

Because he could have it. He just had to take the jump. Now, that Eddie did, there was no chance in hell of ever going back to that.


End file.
